I saw it written on the streets at dusk.
It would not be so average for me.
The hope, the knowing, the awareness, all part of the package.
I knew something was coming.
It frightened me.
The incredible capacity to see so much,
Like taking subspace bursts through a telegraph wire.
They gave me transmitters, somehow knowing that,
at the time, I only wanted two cans and a string.
They gave me short waves,
and I fell in love with amplitude.
It took a long time to understand that it went way beyond wavelengths.
It picked up impulses that they say are both electrical
and chemical
Something vibrating in the early morning hours
has a beat that my heart assigns for filing.
I never understood it for years.
It wakes you with a fever at five.
A private universe there in the frozen world
I could not describe it even if I tried.
It led me down a selfish path.
No, not of indulgence, but of presence.
Thinking I could turn the dials on every moment to make it better for all.
But it was not about me, was it?
Things begin making sense at this point,
The more wild things become.
The tornado rages over my head, and I cannot hear the words,
But I am calm, I am cool, and I am down.
I just need a little bad grammar to quench my heart,
so that my tears of sorrow and of joy are not misconstrued.
The constant noise that no one is making
wakes you with a fever at five.
Some mukbang sister goes to shows,
She thinks she's on the menu for many days to come.
But the faceless silhouette keeps thumbing the button, and she is gone.
Define me. Go ahead. Confidence. Tenacity. Disaster.
You never see it coming.
We are still on the screen, no matter what fever dream you are walking right now.
I saw the writing in the streets.
Warnings were everywhere.
There were hours before the darkness, but somehow, a minute later, it was dark.
I did not even have time.
I could barely run, and my legs felt like lead.
I wanted to know, but always looked the other way.
I was lying on a cold steel table.
There was a prickly blanket thrown over me.
I was very afraid, because I could not comprehend.
There were no words in my language.
My mother, sensing my doom, came and told me I was safe.
But I did not feel safe.
She yelled at me to snap out of it, but I was in both places.
It is fascinating when you are on the threshold of the fourth dimension,
and at that point, you can understand it all.
I struggled to hold onto the thing that could never be forgotten.
Too big to even stop thinking for a moment.
And in the misty morning dew,
I woke with a fever at five.
It was there that I fell from my awareness.
Like falling off a cliff in slow motion, my memory of what cannot be forgotten,
was being taken away from me.
I was relieved because there was too much knowledge.
My brain was burning under the load. I cried because I could recall nothing.
My thoughts eradicated.
My memories of this journey are gone.
I knew I had been saved.
I knew I had lost.
I knew something happened,
But I could never say what it was.
Wakes you with a fever at five.
