I will

 I will carry you down this path, and through this night 21 days long. I will never tire and constantly be the strength when you need a little more to see the morning come. I will sit on the floor to watch every moment, knowing that I am here and there is nothing that could stop that.

It is the ship I go down with. It is the fight I never concede. From the very spark of the beginning, I knew who you were. In that, I found out who I was. I was born so much later than I was born, and it happened in a different way when you arrived. It happened again but like a butterfly emerging from its cocoon. 

There were some very dark days when I saw fear like I had never known. I was terrified I would never know what I have the privilege to know today. Today, you show me. You live by the very best that I ever wanted to be, and I know that I did not do it, you did. Yes, in some way, I am sure that I helped. But I always knew who you were and who you would be. I just did, and I cannot explain.

Will I carry you when you need me to? Will I sit with you during the dark hours talking and being there for you when you need me? Will I try to live in a way that shows you how much I love and appreciate you? In all the chaos that surrounds us now making focus difficult, the world spinning around us like a tornado, will I be holding on, always there when you need me?

I will.

My Amazing and Wonderful Noah

Asian Grocery, Best Buy, B.A.M, and "Going under is cool"

Today was a day we had been wanting to get to, or at least out of the way. Noah needed to have a biopsy on the bone near his right ankle. It has been swollen in a lump since last April. A summer of ultra sounds, x-rays and blood work have led to the need for a biopsy. This is the 4th time in Noah's 10 years we put him out for a procedure. Most of these in the last 3 years.

I have such PTSD about this since a major hospitalization in 2009 in which he was under for 11 days allowing a machine to do his breathing for him and hospitalized for 21 days that time. But Noah informed me today, "going under is so cool." He takes all of this in stride, he is amazing. I am so proud of him.

He has been through so much,I would buy him a leer jet if he asked for one (and I could afford one). His request was B.A.M. (Books a Million). Unfortunately, they moved to a location half it's previous size. They somehow managed to not continue to carry all of the things Noah wants to go there for. Yes, I would buy the store and make them carry what he wants. He earned it.

We went to Liam's requested destination, Best Buy. There is a graphics card that Noah wants. I would love to get it for him, but it is $200, his computer really couldn't handle it either. I would need to buy him a computer too. It's a slippery slope. I hope some day Noah will know how much I admire his bravery and how proud I am of him.

One more stop before we left the upper valley, the Asian grocery. When we got home, he said he would love potstickers. I did not have everything I needed to make them, but I realized if I did have everything, I am really fried tonight. As Noah's father, I have stayed awake to see him through so many nights. I have read "Are You My Mother" a hundred times in 21 days. I am nothing though. Well, nothing but ever thankful to be his Dad.