I can't stand the rain

 Where are you?

What do you think each morning?

Do you laugh?

Do you smile?

Three months have passed, and everything has changed. I have found that everything I had ever hoped for you was really hoped for you. I had no ulterior motives. I was there because of you, marveling at your resilience, creativity, and heart.

Have I not seen you because it is too hard? I know it would be hard for me, but I also know that my love for you is strong enough to allow us a new chapter. That confirms that it was always who you are that grew our bond, not other relationships.

You taught me a lot, and I am really thankful for that. Showing someone how much more they have to learn is a unique gift. I do not take it for granted. I just hope you know how important you are. I also hope you know all that you can do. 

It is in my nature to see all sides and possible outcomes. I just need confirmation that you are safe and doing well. I think about it a lot. The connections we make in life sometimes feel like we should have them forever in the way they begin. It is clear, and has been for years, that this is not always true. 

We all get power from something that carries us through the years of erosion we face. We hold onto it, gripping it as though we are suspended only by it a thousand feet above the ground. At the time, I did not feel that I was preparing for your life's journey; I realized that I was, and honestly, I was not done.

I now have to depend on the undefinable survival skills you possess to keep you safe. It sounds like me making myself feel better knowing you are doing well. I am just not a person who stands on the sidelines of disaster. I used to be, and was that ever a mistake.

This is me and all my flaws. On your side, I stand ready to fight the things that want to pull you down. It is who I am. I hope you understand. 

The North West Girl

 There was a sound in the night. It was a cry as if she was here, but I could not find her. Throughout the years, she never cried. Even now when she does, it is silent. 

Because I know her heart, I can feel it, the confusion, the devastation, the temporary reprieve. There is a dimensional barrier that I have to cross if I am to console her. My callous recovery from my own trials sometimes make this as easy as passing through a solid wall of concrete.

Photo by Naja Bertolt Jensen on Unsplash

So many times, for so many people, I have wanted to be the reason they found to look at things more positively. I wanted them to see the good in who they are, just like I did. 

It is in the broken glass on the floor that I stop and ponder. I know that there was a difficult trial in this very spot. I am not interested in those whose boring and predictable lives have allowed them to live the dream. It is those who sit in the corner, knees pressed to chest, head down. I see you. 

At one time in my life, I will admit that there was something in this consideration for me that was selfish, that somehow this allowed me to not look at my own imperfection and made me feel somewhat more worth something when helping others. Let me assure all, I have taken the express elevator to the bottom, and I learned a thing or two while I was there.

Today I am listening. There is a heart that I care for so much hurting and confused. Somehow, I have to let her know that I am here. For listening in the sad days and rejoicing in the happy days. I have seen all that she is; magnificent in ways that she cannot yet comprehend.  But I believe in her. I always will.