This is the last day

 This is the last day... 

How many last days do we have?  The last day of school, the last day of work, the last day of being 17, 49, and 57. They all signify the end of something and the beginning of something else. There was a saying in the military that any time you were counting down the days until you could go home: "8 more days and a wake-up, 3 more days and a wake-up." This "and a wake up" telling ourselves we are not going to add that one more day, however, we do not get a free pass either.  That "and one wake up" edifies the forced patience and endurance that all military personnel have to develop because of the classic "hurry up and wait" conditioning.

Sometimes we depart on that day with great honor and fanfare and so many goodbyes.  Other times, we fade from the crowd of people as they face more distraction and responsibility.  As we disintegrate into the background, we feel relieved that we are not involved, but even more so we feel so unimportant, that our uselessness nearly seems retroactive, extending through the days when we thought we were important and vital.

The last days in which we do not know they are the last can be weary and difficult. Tracing back through those days can be very revealing.  Sometimes the fact that it is the last day, is because of choices made that day, a left turn instead of a right turn.  Sometimes there is irony, such as John Lennon autographing Mark David Chapman's Double Fantasy album cover hours before they met again that warm December 8th night.

Last days most always are emotionally charged.  In their uniqueness, they also surge with emotion in the aftermath.  The regret, joy, sentimentality, and the second-guessing can last a lifetime. 

For many of us, personal milestones that have strong significance to us are the last days that we reflect on.  Some ages we seem to linger at, one year lasting three, then suddenly, the calendar turns and we speed through the next five.  It always leaves me unsettled because somewhere deep down I feel that I am not comprehending something correctly.

No matter what our age, our history, and our experience, we have today.  Tonight as a bed-sitter person, today will be something that cannot be changed. At this moment though, it is so much more, last day or not.