Resistance, Fire, Oblivion

 In a flash of self-awareness

The brutal bloom of life infused with energy

the promises of hope and productivity

Here it comes, here it comes!

I want it to wash over me like a shower of lightening

No escape, only escalation into action.

Such lofty dreams from one who walks through the smoldering valleys of desolation.

Hundreds of miles of torn metal and toxic fumes, 

there is nowhere to go but through.

You made the choices and planned this journey

A future not so imperfect lay before you

You damaged the impossible reward

All of the time and money spent

What do you show for it now?

What have you done?

Where is it now?

You're not so smart, are you?

Maybe not even a little.

Here, the sun is setting, and you were sure you knew the way back

The reality is, you have no idea where you came from 

You are lost, alone, and abandoned.

What have you done?

What do you do now?

There is no pier of youth to cry upon.

Even though you were dead, you had so much time ahead of you.

There was always time, until there wasn't.

There was always hope that you could still turn around and come home.

Home does not exist anymore.

Photo by Nikolas Noonan on Unsplash

The days that felt like they would never end live only in memories you can see, but they dissolve when you reach out to them.

Moments counted then, too. You did not know it. Will you know it now?

You arrive late to the dinner, and look around.

You know someone here awaits to harm, and someone awaits to rescue you.

The socializing you do is a dance with treachery and hope.

You don't want to spoil the party with your nebulous commitment.

So you go.

You roam the land, cashing checks where you can to get to sunset.

Will you rest in the nighttime hours?

Or will you lament over all that you have not resolved?

You have no answers tonight, 

and none will be gained in the light of day.

Time to make time out of no time.

There is a green light from nine to eleven, 

shining through the years of fog

leading the boat to a shore long forgotten.

After drifting on the dark sea for so long, the light always seems so inviting.

When you get close, 

It could be rest and recouperation.

Or

It could be fire and oblivion.

You can never tell from here.

It is curious how it suddenly cuts through the fog. 

It is stark and direct.

I never knew it could hold so much depth.

You step into the water, pulling the boat onto the rocky beach.

Scraping sounds and sore joints come into focus.

Is it like coming in from the cold?

Is it like being greeted by a friend you never knew before?

There is a feeling of better days ahead.

A year later, you look in the mirror at your shattered face,

and try to understand what went right and what went wrong.

What would you have done if you could know what you know today?

You know for sure that even in safe spaces,

you are never safe.

What it is, what it is, what it is.