Saturday, June 13, 2026

Comfort in the Skywave Propagation

 The static of the AM waves played the latest and greatest of the day. It could be rain or snow on the windowsill. It did not matter. We did not have fancy kitchens, the latest luxuries, or anything that the average American family had. What the peddlers flashed in front of our faces, we knew one thing. That would never be us. We did not need any of that. 

In the old brick schools built at the dawn of the twentieth century, the hum of heavy fluorescent ballasts vibrated the fixtures hanging above our heads as we listened to the old steam radiators bang and tick, and drizzle fell on a gray day outside the window. When lunchtime came, we put on coats and were led across the street and downstairs into the basement. It was just right, perfect in every way. No one complained about anything. The workers around us were born in the 1920s, and I can still see some of their faces. 

The war on television had finally rested. To us, it was two-dimensional: a quiet stranger sitting at the lunch table, alone. No one ever sat with her, and even avoided her table if possible. She was lured by no campaigns or flashy promises of wealth and status. But she knew something we did not; we, and now she, were already rich. She was appreciative of all that I took for granted. We were so small-minded, and we had no idea. She was beautiful, and I did not know it.

The world at that time seemed chiseled in granite, but was actually a static bubble losing structural integrity, one molecule at a time. They say a star burns brighter just before its end, and that was certainly true in nineteen hundred seventy-five. Mister Ingram, I listened as your voice echoed and boomed over my radio, asking the grey line to allow the lowest levels of the ionosphere to rapidly disappear until tonight. I would hear your footsteps pass my door once again.

I did not know yet. As I stood across the street, I saw the light of a cigarette, and the shadowy figure whose face I could not see until decades later, when all of this was only a memory from a million miles away. But the feeling never ended. The vacuum tube world in which we lived felt so real, so tactile, and permanent. I was only ten, but I wanted to know everything and everyone.

Radio, then, just a mere 55 years old, had captured me, and it was a ride that was going to whisk me away into everything that followed. Here now, 105 years after that first day in 1920, we may never be able to tell the tale of a world that used to be so much bigger. Today, generations of people will never know what it was like to be marooned in your small corner of an infinite planet, and over the airwaves, through the unfamiliar voices of people you would never meet, learn about their land. See it. Feel it. Touch it.

At first, I met the kids in the neighborhood, and in an AM rock world that seemed good enough. It wasn't until darkness fell, and they all ran away from me, leaving me alone. It was deafly silent, and I knocked on doors looking for someone who dared stand up to the long and dark night. Down the alley, I thought I heard something. I stepped cautiously, trying to keep my steps silent. Although her voice was faint, it was coming from a blowtorch 400 miles away. 


I pushed open the door, and inside I found a world that no one challenged. Fifty years ago, in 1926, all of this began, and there was no stopping it. Beverly met me as I walked in, and suddenly, I wanted nothing to do with those who lived on my block. They had been holding me down, and I had not known it.

I visited until my eyes grew heavy and I was swept away in a land of dreams where she sang to me as I drifted. I heard a peculiar song that I would never hear again, thinking that perhaps I had dreamed it, until Danny arrived. He got up bright and early to be the first kid on the block to say good morning to me, even though his block was 400 miles away. As the ionosphere dissipated under solar assault, I sat as the day warmed, looking forward to visiting this very unique club where I found friends I could never find elsewhere. 

This was only the beginning of my journey into the night to a place where I belonged. The world was disappearing on us. The world we thought could not fail was indeed terminal. When I came to the end of the road, I was offered a journey into the past, and I took it. I got to meet friends who had come before I lived there, and that was so precious to me. Even that had to come to an end. I guess it is really over, this wonderful journey into the upper atmosphere where we used to live, jump, and breathe. But I also know that someday, just maybe, someone will dust off some old real-to-reals and let us take one more excursion into skywave propagation. 

One, Five, Two, O; One, Five, Two, O...








(what inspired this:  Captain and Tennille Lonely night / Neil Sedaka Bad Blood / 1975 James St)


Monday, June 8, 2026

I Don't Treat You Like I Should

 The Ringo Starr song, Six O'Clock has been stuck in my head for the last 2 days. The song was actually written by Paul and Linda McCartney, and they both performed in the recording. The chorus, "I Don't Treat You Like I Should," is repeated over and over. At first, the song getting stuck in my head was more random than anything, but yesterday it took on a different meaning, and I wonder if it has now carved itself into a significantly sad memory for me. 

Kiwi, Noah's lovebird that he got when he was 11, died Sunday morning. I went in to feed and water her. I took her out of the cage and cupped her in my hand. I stroked her head as she looked at me. I talked with her. It has been hard having a lovebird. They need lots of companionship. I have her in my little home office since we have very predatory cats who would figure out how to ravage a cage until they got access to her. 

Before Noah got her, he researched lovebirds extensively. The joy of watching Noah with her is something unparalleled in my heart. He was so in love with her. Most nights, our older cats were put downstairs so Kiwi could come out, visit, and fly around. She had so much personality in a little bird.

She loved the song "Popcorn " by Hot Butter, an early-70s techno-instrumental that literally sounded like popcorn popping. She would bob her head up and down, bouncing her full body to the music. She learned how to say her own name, which was so amazing. She would carry on conversations with us and imitate noises from the other room, such as a spatula tapping against the side of a pan or the gas burner ignitor's click.

Sometimes she would walk around on the living room floor. Other times, she would fly up to the ceiling fan and sit up high, watching us. We took her out and put out a small plate of water for her to splash around in. 

When the pandemic happened, she got to have Noah all day, every day. She would be so loud sometimes; it was hard for him to hear. When he let her out, she would remove keys from his keyboard and could even crack his earbuds open like they were seeds, much to his dismay.

When it was time to remodel Noah's room, she was moved to the office. She loved having me in there. Noah had returned to school, so this worked since I was there 3 days of the workweek. I would let her out, and she would explore the shelves and get mad at inanimate objects as she explored.

As time went by, we shuffled the rooms around, and I did not have an office for a year. During that time, we tried to move Donna's pottery room in there with her, but she ended up with a respiratory issue that we had to take her to an avian vet for care.

We got by that, and she got better. I spent a little time with her in the evenings since I had not been working there. She loved music and talking. I would hold her and read out loud. She always loved this. 

For the last year, life has had so many unwanted distractions. It was harder to spend time with her, but we did whenever we could. Noah had been talking about finding her a home where she would maybe have a companion or someone who could give her lots of attention. 

But yesterday, all of that changed. I could tell something was up. I set her back in her cage to turn a pan off in the kitchen that I had left on, and one minute later, when I returned, she was gone. I picked her up and held her under my neck, so sorry that I could not give more time to this sweet little life that just loved so much. Whose day instantly became the best day ever when someone came into that room.

Donna came in and held her for a while, and then we had to tell Noah, who I could see was silently hurting so deeply. Liam, too, was very sad. For Liam, there was more to it than just Kiwi. Kiwi for him was connected to a past of intense love, hurt, and paradox. 

I also felt this when I was taking apart her cage. It was connected to a memory of someone I really love, who I no longer have in my life. The incredible love and care that went into Kiwi getting that cage only hurts today. It makes the loss so much greater.

Liam said the most profound thing to me. He told me how wrong all of this is. How we, as humans, have these complicated lives where all these trivial distractions and responsibilities keep us occupied. Our pets, although very important to us, are a small part of our day compared to everything else we have to pay attention to. But, those little lives, we are 100% of their existence. When we go to work, they live to see us again, and it is the best thing that ever happened to them when we appear and give them attention. All they want is us. They want us to love them, and nothing else matters. I dare say we do not deserve the pedestal they place us upon.

How is it that we get to be god-like in the eyes of these precious beings who love us so unconditionally? How dare we? We overtake our existence with worthless things, all the while we can learn from these beautiful hearts that never get their priorities out of line.

We dedicated a spot in Donna's garden to rest our very big, little friend who brought such light into our lives for the last 9 years. Liam made a wooden box, and flowers were planted to mark the place. Such a beautiful little soul, full of love, happiness, and yes, I think, even humor. She really did mean so much to me, even though I failed to take the lessons in love she was teaching me when she was here. There are things that will always make me think of her. I miss her so much already. 


The following are lyrics from Ringo Starr's Six O'clock

I don't treat youLike I'd like to treat youEvery diamond in the sky is in your eyesBut I don't treat you like INo, I don't treat you like INo, I don't treat you like I shouldNo, I don't treat you like INo, I don't treat you like INo, I don't treat you like I shouldI know you would sayYou love my wayIt's good enough for youBut I know for sureI could do more (more), more (more)

Saturday, June 6, 2026

Grenade and Diaper Delivery Service

 I am not a career restaurateur, food service professional, or even one who has worked in the industry in a supporting role. I worked at Marie's Luncheonette in my mid-teens and at Colonial Pizza. Both were owned by second and first-generation Italian Americans, respectively. Their food culture was precise, impressive, and intense. I learned a great deal about my work ethic from these extraordinary men, and I am grateful for the experience.

I find myself constantly heaping heavy loads and huge demands on myself to produce. Most of the time, I am very pleased with the end result. Once in a while, I fall short, although no one seems to notice. That is because the destination I had in mind does not match the destination achieved. I think the reason I get a pass on that from my diners is that they still cannot get what I made elsewhere, and they don't die, so it is still like going on vacation and experiencing something different.

24 years ago, I decided that I could cook anything as long as I was all in and gave it the respect it deserved. Time, effort, humility, and most of all respect for all of those who have come before me.

At times, I got a little full of myself, but that was short-lived because I am good at seeing things from other people's perspectives, which reminds me we all have the capacity to learn. There are millions of people who could show me a thing or two. We all put our spin on it, and, granted, I do not approach the world the way others do, so somewhere in there, the art of cooking is ours to share. That is what it is about.

Why am I writing this rambling pile of nebulous words? I am looking for a system. I have a 3-day cooking event ahead of me, and I want to make good choices. Because it took me this long to reach this point in my culinary ambitions, I feel like I am trying to drink from the firehose while operating with cautious wisdom, as though I were running a grenade-and-diaper delivery service simultaneously. I have no problem with escalation. My whole life has been about that. It is restraint and subtlety that I have had to carefully cultivate.

I want a mission control wall with a feed on all things that will help me build, and somehow I want my brain to simplify it so I can make breakfast with a blindfold on and with no noticeable effort. I want flow and connection with the food that I am making. I can honestly say, I have that so much more today than ever before. In fact, lately, I have tapped into this subliminal instinct that I have learned to feel. It tells me when to apply and when to hold back, silent, yet screaming.

One thing I am sure of, you will never find me crafted by the mold of someone else. I will always be chaos where others see no need. I will always have that element of waking up on the kitchen floor the next day, never to know how I got there. This is what makes me who I am. That could never be duplicated. The magnetic power that holds all of the fragments together of what I am is absolutely illogical, but it seems to never fail. 

There are some things you cannot fake (like the AI-generated photo for this entry). You have to put in the work and deliver. The three-day cooking event mentioned in an earlier paragraph happened quite some time ago now. In those 4 days, I pushed everything to limits I had never reached before. I met my biggest challenge so far with confidence. I know this is only the beginning. There will be things so much bigger ahead, and I am ready. I got this.



Monday, June 1, 2026

Boring? Yeah, it's worth it

  What does my food week look like?




Some weeks are triumphs. Some weeks are train wrecks. Most are somewhere in between, tangled up in the usual chaos of work, obligations, distractions, and the random curveballs life enjoys throwing at us. The fantasy is that we control our schedules. The reality is that we're often hanging onto the bumper, getting dragged wherever the road decides to go.

That's why I believe in culinary contingency plans.

Not glamorous plans. Not ambitious plans. Familiar plans.

The dishes you can make when you're exhausted, distracted, or running on fumes. The ones you've made so many times that your hands know what to do before your brain catches up. They become muscle memory. Comfortably repetitive. Maybe even a little boring. That's fine. Boring is underrated.

But getting there takes time.

Back in 2002, when I was a fledgling home cook obsessed primarily with Korean food, I decided I was going to recreate the spinach and artichoke dip from an Italian restaurant we frequented. It seemed simple enough. Naturally, I approached it with all the planning and discipline of a small-scale industrial accident.

The result, somehow, was spectacular.

Not because I faithfully reproduced the original. Quite the opposite. Through a combination of poor planning, stubbornness, and a tendency to treat recipes like loose suggestions rather than instructions, I accidentally created something far better than what I was trying to copy.

The first attempt was a theatrical disaster. The kitchen looked like investigators would need black boxes and eyewitness testimony to reconstruct what happened. The next few attempts weren't much better. Every success came at the cost of dirtying every bowl, pan, spoon, and square inch of available counter space.

But repetition has a funny way of sanding down the rough edges.

Twenty years later, I can make that dip almost absentmindedly. I can stand at the counter carrying on a conversation while making it. You might not even realize I'm cooking. Blindfold me and I'd probably still get reasonably close.

That's the thing about practice. It's not inspirational. It's not exciting. It's just relentless repetition. And eventually, without noticing, competence sneaks in through the back door.

Lately, I've been thinking about applying that same philosophy to quesabirria.

I've made it twice now, completely from scratch. No shortcuts. No flavor packets. No birria bombs. Just white onions, guajillo chiles, árbol chiles, ancho chiles, beef, patience, and a willingness to make the house smell incredible for the better part of a day.

The results have been fantastic.


Now comes the important part: making it again. And again. And again. Until it becomes one of those dishes that lives in the hands instead of the recipe book. The kind of meal you can produce when life is pushing you around and you still want something extraordinary waiting at the end of the day.

That's the goal.

Not perfection.

Familiarity.



Comfort in the Skywave Propagation

 The static of the AM waves played the latest and greatest of the day. It could be rain or snow on the windowsill. It did not matter. We did...