For a beautiful little girl

 Dear Lava,

I cannot begin to tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am that you came into our lives. You brought so much joy to the childhoods of my sons into our family. You were our little Alpha. You owned them all and you were fantastic at it. There were things we never could quite understand, like how you used to try to kill your brother if he got outside because he smelled different. How you love being brushed and did not want to be at the same time. 

Every morning you were at the top of the stairs as I started my day. You complained to me at night when you wanted me to go to bed so you could sleep in the recliner. 

Lava, you were there through good and bad times. From Mom and the kids bringing you out to the camper to do homeschooling, to being there when Noah came home after three weeks in the ICU. I will never forget how Noah cried when you acted like you did not know him when he got home, but you both worked it out. I loved how you used to walk under the dogs' chins, brushing your tail under their faces and reminding them who was really in charge. The look in their eyes showed that they totally understood. You were affectionate and on your terms always. 

You taught me more things than I ever thought possible. It's funny how such a small being can teach us so much. Some of these go pretty deep too. In the hours after we laid you to rest, I scrolled through my phone to see the last photo I took of you. March 5th, I was ashamed of this. It means I take way too much for granted and worry and complain about how much I have to do. I am sorry for that my little friend. I am sorry on a much larger scale that I know will take time to understand. 

The loss of your brother about a year ago did make me focus on you more. I know that I appreciated you more during that time and we got along better than ever. Our beautiful girl, you were so much more than a family pet. You were a defining and essential part of the forming of the people my sons are, each in their own right. One of the most tragically beautiful moments I have ever known is the relief I felt when Liam arrived just after we lost you. That little boy who would place you on top of his head and walk all over the house holding you steady by your front paws. His tender but fierce love was evident as he took the time he needed to say goodbye. Liam's love, which I say comes with so much self-sacrifice and so much honor was so defined by your years with us. Somehow you showed us the inner light that is in Haylie too, not only in her love for you but how she is there for Liam. 

Lava, one thousand thank-yous are not enough to acknowledge the incredible difference you have made for our family. I somehow know that when it comes to you and your crazy brother, this was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. I can't imagine we will ever love a cat as much as we have loved you. I can't foresee that one will ever hold such an important job as the one that you had and did so well. 

For every moment I acted like you would just be here always and did not show how appreciated you really were, I am truly sorry my little girl. You were amazing and one of the biggest souls I have ever encountered. Thanks to you, I realize that a life raising your children is a perfect assembling of little parts that are so important.  I miss you and I love you.