It was forever Tuesday, and I was somehow under the misconception that my little corner of the world held immunity to the world spinning on its axis and the planet revolving around the sun. We lived so free in the shackles of ignorance. September again. Panic season commences. What have you done? More importantly, what did you not do? That is where the pain points lie.
I woke up with Atlanta Rhythm Section's "Not Gonna Let It Bother Me Tonight" stuck in my head. "The world is one big tragedy," so I needed to look. I love looking up the complete lyrics to a song that has been a part of my life for 54 years. I always thought that song came out in 77, when "So Into You" was released. It was actually 72, so it got a lot of play in the late 70s and, well, still does today. I was surprised to hear the word suicide mentioned 3 times in the song. Obviously, the writer was truly discouraged at the time.
But September. Really? My body cannot make the payments for the ambition my brain is calling for. That is a problem. I keep telling myself that. Giving in to the propaganda that I am not going to succeed. Then there is a knock at the door. A puzzle is presented. I grab it, almost boasting that this is simple, and that modern, expensive solutions can be left to those watching us and saying it is our only choice.
This is where I shine. There was never a hill I could not take. I said yes, filled up the gas tank, grabbed a cup of coffee and a rack of cassettes, and we were rockin' down the highway. When we returned, we turned the tables, made it happen, captured the dream. It was Tuesday afternoon. Limitations and failure were not yet written into the script.
We painted our houses to beautify and protect, and then the news came in, decade after decade, laced with uranium. It wore the beauty away. It compromised the protective coating. We hung our heads low when we realized our yards, neighborhoods, and cities were nothing but gray ash. Smiles were replaced with mutilation. Love with loss.
There was a generation that only knew this landscape. In our mourning, we took away from them whatever joy was really possible for them. We reminisce and, all along, subliminally plant the idea that the world they live in is but a mere cemetery.
When the doctor asked if I was hurt, I answered from my pile of debris. I could not tell what was mine and what was collateral. Awakening, I did a physical evaluation and determined that I, for what it was worth, was whole.
Many days after Tuesday, I began to realize the deceptive power of the air we were all breathing. Was I so injured? Was I no longer the man that I was on that Forever Tuesday? To my surprise, I was still the person I was before. There was a great lie blinding the truth from all of us who lived through Tuesday afternoon.
I am standing up. Yes, I was there. I can no longer subscribe to the lie. The younger ones who see no hope need to know they have more power in their hands. They can live and have so much because of it. I live in a wild world where, yes, there is so much to cry over. I am not going to give in. The radiation rain can be deflected; you just have to be diligent.
I cannot imagine what I could have been forever Tuesday with all the knowledge available today. I realize that it does not matter. I am that person. I have the memory of what I am capable of, unlimited information to create anything, and a raging drive to make it happen. Yeah, I got that. I am not mourning Forever Tuesday. No. It will be with me all the way through.
