The Universal Antagonist

There is an underrated 1967 movie called “The President's Analyst”. It tells the story of a president's analyst who cannot talk with anyone about what he knows. This creates more anxiety than he can deal with. It leads to catastrophic paranoia. In the meantime, various government agencies are trying to kill him. The phone company (a unit with the same power as Facebook, Google, and other large personal data-collecting monsters) wants to use what it knows to further its power. He ends up being protected by a suburban “Liberal” family that has more guns than the “right wing wackos” they are protecting themselves from. With many crazy mind-bending plot twists that were common in the movies of the late 60’s, the kind that Austin Powers liked to spoof, in the end, the main character realizes that “it’s the phone company” behind all of the evil in their lives, behind all the evil in the world.

Hollywood was serious about their message in an insane package. This movie was destined for greatness, but gathered the attention of J. Edgar Hoover and somehow disappeared from the box office.

 I have recently located my universal antagonist. Before I say what that is, I will mention that in the past, I have identified a direct connection between how cluttered my garage was and my ability to carry out large and important projects with my vehicles, in my yard, or inside my house. It has been the vapor lock on my ambition and self-esteem. I know this sounds silly, but there really is a demoralizing effect about it.

This week, while Donna was on a family trip, I set up certain rules of my own design for my sons to follow. The most renegade, maverick, and provocative idea was to empty the dishwasher when the dishes are dry. Because the unit is empty, we can put dirty dishes in it now that we are done with them.

I know I sound ridiculous, but I have a right to be elated. We have developed a bad habit from when our kids were babies. When the dishwasher was done, we left the clean dishes in it while we added dirty dishes to the sink, in various stages of rinsing and non-rinsing.  So when I am in Market Basket, there is still a glimmer within my soul to be creative and make something for dinner that makes you feel thankful to be alive to experience tastes.

The reality is, you get home and have to carry in the things you bought (5 minutes), put everything away (15 minutes), empty the dishwasher (12 minutes), rinse, sand, and chisel the crap off the dishes in the sink and load into the dishwasher (18 minutes), then wash anything that might not have fit into the dishwasher. It is this soul-sucking series of events that reduces me to the creative excellence of producing a bowl of Lucky Charms. It’s degrading!

This week, employing all the soft, sweet, loving direction of Hitler, I convinced my sons to NEVER PUT ANYTHING INTO THE SINK when they are done with it. It was difficult, but with my fine resolve to be annoyingly persistent, they did well. The most outstanding side effect was that my ambition to cook was not stolen from me.  We made Korean-topped burgers, hand-cut fries cooked in cast iron, chicken-broccoli casserole, Asian dumplings, and spinach-artichoke dip. Not only did I put everything in the dishwasher after use, but I think I actually looked forward to running and unloading it, making everything new again.

I know that the days ahead will be difficult, but the payoff is immense.