Late arrival

 Our stories eventually mold the hours ahead, days, and decades. Seeing through a dirty glass of yesterday marred with the inexperience of youth, the impulse of withdrawal, and the winds of change, how could we make one right turn?

It is more than just wrong turns. It is a misunderstanding of self and the possibilities before me. Lies, lies, lies and I own them all. The deception of tuning out becomes my self-berating reality. Everyone but me knows it. Lies, lies, lies only to myself. Gullible, ignorant, and indignant. 

It has taken so much hand-to-hand combat within me to understand that I have been the opposing force. The clear, or so it seemed, picture window view of how it was, how it "should be" has caused me to barricade myself within my ignorance. To learn nothing, or at least take the long way around to learning the most important lessons. Time has come today and inevitably, the ambushes of self. Those camouflaged operatives, painted faces, blending into the flora, wielding arms of poison. If I could zoom in on one of them, I would find, they look like me.

Photo by Edho Fitrah on Unsplash

So I walk the footbridge across the canyon 2 miles high. As I take each step, I see it as a concrete super highway structure that can carry a great weight. I also know that it is as delicate as a cloth rope and weathered wood slat structure that I myself can make even weaker. Understanding that it can sway in the wind and have storms overtake me before I reach the other side. Oddly, its composition is my choice.

I arrived on the scene differently than everyone else. That has made everything difficult. It put a blind spot on the objective that I cleverly declared was in my hands. Inside I knew it was not. Now, the sum of all of the fragments has built a scene. As I watched the ship disappear into the sky, I was left with unlocked doors to open and their arrogance. One by one, they took their place, in doing so, their case was heard and tested. I am still here, but now I understand what it is to own only what is given to me. To be here now. That has been my elusive crown jewel. The one I never thought I could know. I'm late, but at least I am here.