Heroes

There is a thread woven through the miles of my life: someone you love and respect calls you out. There is a flash of disbelief, seasoned with a little denial. But I am not the person you're talking about. I am above this, and I should be offended that you even suggested it. It was a timeless moment, and to this day, 40 years later, it still shakes me and makes me check my attitude at the door.

There was nothing I could do in that moment but shut up and contemplate the person I was and who I had become. For me, it was all in jest, but for him, it was an air raid siren. Even though I was young, I understood it in an infantile way. Somewhere deep down inside, I already knew: you're right; I'm wrong.

I looked across the room into those fire-blue eyes. I had seen this rage before. It was always there before he declared war—before he commenced firing. I was shocked that he would interpret me this way. I was hurt, and it worked. I was put where I needed to be, shown what I needed to see.

On a timeless, smoky night, humidity and tension filled the air of a poorly lit kitchen. The more he talked, the angrier he became. It was a release from all the silence he had held over the previous five weeks. Nothing could stop it now. I should have known it was coming: the explosion. It was like a propane tank sitting in the middle of a raging fire.

Then it happened, unlike anything I could have imagined: detonation. I did not see it coming, but when it connected, it hit me like a missile. It ignited a burst of anger that I could not extinguish until the light of day. But even then, I knew he was right; I was wrong.

That event, although different, was oddly connected to another that happened yesterday.

I walked through the door and saw an entirely different side of a man I thought I already knew. I was taken aback, although as he spoke, I was not surprised by what I saw in myself. Stress and anxiety have manifested themselves in an unattractive way. I feel defeated, and at times I feel optimistic, even though the meteor is still headed this way.

What truly amazed me was his ability to empathize while speaking. Nothing was held back, and he was fully invested emotionally. He even offered his own vulnerability to help me find my path. Every word was right for that moment and perfect in its intention. I cannot stop being amazed by it.

I wonder if he knows that in four generations of men in my family, he is one of 3 generations to tell me how it is. Even though he never met those two generations, my son clearly carries their hearts, their fierceness, and their strength. He owns it. He earned it on his own, and so did his grandfather and great-grandfather.

When you stand in front of a portal of the timeless strength of men who have the courage to do what needs to be done, I cannot find the words to say how much I am in awe of it all. These are the people who have kept me from the worst in me. Past, present and future I have been blessed.