Thursday, December 28, 2023

The normal of chaos

 It is that sweet blanket that makes you feel warm and safe.  Home is that place where you can just let go and be. For so many years that has been turbulence for me. Fighting my way through the stages of my life always suggested that it should pay some sort of beneficial dividend.  As I said this, the cashier at the window simply shook his head and told me, they had nothing for me.




Through the uncertainty, the pack on my back contained an arsenal of acquisition and earnings that allowed me to materialize anything for the next problem.  As a young man, I just acted and life happened.  Later on, I grew to understand the investment had yielded priceless, limitless possibilities.

In more recent years, the seemingly unrelated collective spoil of life lived like a late 60s spy movie and seemed to have the functionality of a junk drawer.  In it, I saw more mistakes and failed missions than milestones.

I am not sure when it happened, but I believe it was a friend from the stars who came along to explain it to me.  Ironically she did not tell me anything and only asked me questions.  She could see the achievements and helped me see that not all of them are worth keeping.  Once I understood this, all of the furniture in the room had a place and made sense.

Living for decades with uncertainty filling my hours and days, I could never have imagined it making me so rich in the things that really matter. I would never trade this for anything.  I can now see that not only has it benefited me, but also my children, all of them.

Chaos has been my normal. I now know that the cookie-cutter "Brady Bunch" kind of life is nothing but a slow death.  I am so glad that I have lived outside the edge of security and status, because somehow, forgoing these things in the past few decades has made living better today.  Turns out, the cashier window did have something for me after all.


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